The Fantastic Adventures of Steven Universe
by SpongeyBubble
Summary: Join your favorite characters as they- no. NO. This is a "dumb-fic". So. Yeah. It's the crazy adventures of the characters, alright. This not only features the Crystal Gems, but other characters as well! Stay tuned for this "fantastic" series! WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTENT CONTAINS STUPID, WEIRD, AND CRINGY STUFF. (NOTE: THIS WAS MADE OUT OF PURE BOREDOM & STUFF)
1. Steven's Average Day

Steven felt hungry. He did not like being hungry. Of course, he would starve like any other human. Steven wanted some Cookie Cats, but then he realized; They don't even _exist_ anymore. He sighed, knowing about that news despite the fact that they discontinued years ago.

He went over to the gems. He felt so angry. He felt like throwing something at them. He picked up a cloth. He looked at it.

Steven (Thinking): _'A sock? I can't use this! That's cheating! ..Oh well.'_

He threw the dirty sock at Pearl, specifically.

Pearl looked at the garment in horror.

Pearl: **"OH MY GOD, STEVEN! WHY DID YOU THROW YOUR SMELLY GARMENT AT ME?!"**

Steven: "Oh come on, Pearl. It's not permanent sweat! It'll come off eventually."

Pearl: "B-B-But-"

Garnet: "No buts, Pearl."

Amethyst: "Yeah, Pearl, don't go so worked up over a foot product."

Pearl: "BUT SOCKS ARE _**SMELLY!**_ "

Amethyst: "And you need a doctor or something!"

Pearl: "I DO _NOT,_ AMETHYST! You take that back you.. YOU.."

Amethyst: "Uncultured swine? Yeah, I've heard of that, I think that's you."

While Pearl squawks at Amethyst, Garnet meanwhile was just staring at them, frustrated at the fact that they can't even share a hug with each other.

Garnet (Thinking): _'They'll learn someday..'_

Yes, of course Garnet used her future vision, you silly!

Steven, meanwhile, was just.. sulking. He was so mad that there weren't anymore _Cheez-Itz._ He looked at the _Cheese Nips_ box in disgust.

Steven (Thinking): _'Cheese Nips are NOT Cheez-Itz!'_

Steven put back the box in distaste.

Meanwhile, Pearl and Amethyst were _still_ arguing. That's when Jasper herself came onto the scene. The applause intensified.

Jasper: "What in the name of the Diamonds is _going on here?!_ "

Pearl: "Uh.. NOTHING!"

Amethyst: "Pearl's being annoying AGAIN!"

Jasper: "So.. you want me to beat her again?"

Pearl: "OH STARS NO!"

Jasper sighed at the nagging Pearl was making. She was just here to be in the fanfiction, not to beat Pearl into a pulp again, yet she would do it.. someday on this fanfiction. Being the Homeworld Celebrity she was, she let Pearl slide.. _**for now..**_

Steven was still browsing for the DElicious salted cheese crackers God forbids to mention. He eventually decided on a balanced breakfast of his favorite cereal, _Chicken Flakes._ They were basically live chickens being hyper-realistically grated on the cover of the box. That was Steven's favorite cereal all right.

But that's when Steven started to question the fact if bees even _had_ knees. So he went up to Jasper to see what she would say.


	2. Jasper Answers Steven's Life Questions

Steven went over to Jasper's well-built house. Why did Jasper have a house you may ask? _Because she can._

Steven knocked on her orange door, to see Jasper opening it.

Jasper: "Steven? What are _you_ doing here?"

Steven: "Do bees have knees?"

Jasper: "What? Why would you ask _me_ such a dumb question like that?" 

Steven: "Well, first of all, it was a question I've had ever since I was born, and second of all, I wanted to ask you because, uh, the rubies said you were _always_ right."

Jasper: "..Steven."

Steven: "Yes?"

Jasper: "Don't ever ask me a question like that ever again. Trust me, when I found the answer, it traumatized me. _**Very deeply.**_ "

Steven looked a little shocked.

Steven: "Oh, come on, Jasper, lets talk about it."

Jasper: "Ugh.. fine."

" _It all started when I came here. I actually had that exact same question, Steven. I was walking down the fields, for whatever reason, and then I found a bee. I looked at its legs. It was **not** pretty, Steven. Not at all. There was **tumors** on its legs. I thought they were knees, but when I found the truth.. oh stars, I shouldn't have found out."_

Steven: "Oh my, Jasper.. I am so sorry.."

Jasper: "And Steven, you've learned a little lesson from me.. _**never**_ find the answers to your life questions."

Steven: "…OK! Bye Jasper!"

Steven skipped away, thinking about the answer to his _other_ life questions.

Steven (Thinking): _'The Rubies_ _ **were**_ _right! Jasper_ _ **is**_ _always right!'_

Steven decided to go to the Chicken Factory, where they served chicken wings and shakes. Yes, you heard me. _Chicken shakes._ But he saw a bunch of chickens protesting around it. They were scratching, pecking, and occasionally wing-flapping the factory workers.

Steven: "Oh no! Those poor chickens having their families cooked, blended, then served! I _have_ to help them, somehow!"

Steven spotted a sign. It read, _'Chickens are_ _ **cool beasts!**_ _Not_ _ **feasts!**_ _'_

Steven decided to use it, so he went up to the factory to beat up the workers as well.

Steven: "TAKE THAT! AND THIS! AGH!"

The workers had gotten bruises from the protesters, some even taken to the hospital as well! This protest was a success!

Chicken #1: "This is all coming together! It's working!"

Chicken #2: "Yeah!"

Steven: "You guys are _so_ cool!"

Chicken #1: "Thanks, random kid!"

Then Steven realized he had another question; how did CatDog go to the bathroom, exactly? So Steven decided to walk over to Jasper, _again_ , and asked her the question.

Jasper: "Oh my stars, Steven, why do you even trust those rubies?"

Steven (smiling): "Because they're my best friends!"

Jasper was able to hear all the rubies scream in unison "NO WE'RE NOT!" all at once across the fields. She sighed.

Jasper: "Steven, stop asking me such stupid questions-"

Steven: " _ **PLEASE?!**_ **PLEASE! I'LL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU IF YOU ANSWER!** "

Jasper sighed.

Jasper: "Ugh. _**FINE.**_ "

" _CatDog, oh yes, CatDog. That weird show with the conjoined cat and dog. Oh, how I felt so much sympathy for them. Always getting tortured by those weird looking creatures. Always alone in the world was that little CatDog thing. There was one question everyone had ever since the day it was pitched; how does CatDog go to the bathroom? Well, Steven, I learned that, **the hard way.** There was a CatDog lost episode on TV. No, it wasn't 'For the Birds', it was called 'How CatDog Uses the Bathroom; **the Hard Way'.** "_

As Jasper explained the gruesome, forbidden details, Steven was getting more and more traumatized by the minute. He didn't think he trusted the rubies anymore, _**he wanted to get rid of them**_.

So he went over to where the rubies were. They all seemed to be in a.. casino?

Why a casino you may ask? Well, you see, the rubies were bored, so they went over to random human places, and that's where they discovered their new favorite game. They were all at a table playing a nice, wholesome game of poker.

Steven had to get through somehow, so he shapeshifted into an adult that's, like, in his mid 20's.

Steven: "I would like to go to room.."

He looked at the rubies' room number; 995.

Steven: "..room 995, please. Here's some of my dad's- I-I mean _my_ money."

The man looked at the money skeptically.

Man: "Right this way, sir."

The man lead Largemannow!Steven to the ruby room.

Man: "Here you go."

Steven (joyfully): "Thanks!"

The man left. Steven shapeshifted into his regular form. Steven broke down the door.

Steven (furiously): _**"I HATE RUBIES! GET RID OF THEM!"**_

And then he proceeded to summon multiple shields and throw it at them.

Steven (SO OUTRAGED!): "AAAHH!"

The rubies were dodging all of his shields, then they proceeded to fuse.

Steven's palms were sweaty, his knees were weak, his arms were heavy, _vomit on his sweater already_. **Mom's spaghetti.**

The ruby fusion scoffed in disgust.

Ruby Fusion: "YOU HUMANS ARE SO DISGUSTING!"

Steven looked down at his shirt. The lyrics were right. There _was_ vomit on his sweater already. _**Mom's spaghetti.**_

Ruby Fusion: "AGH! STOP SAYING THOSE LYRICS, NARRATOR GUY!"

Sorry, I'll stop it.

Ruby Fusion: " _Thank you._ "

Steven (thinking): _'Now's my chance!'_

Then Steven pulled a baseball bat out.

Ruby Fusion: "Oh _stars,_ is this another game of that dreaded human baseball thing?"

Steven: _**"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"**_

Then Steven proceeded to start hitting the fusion, and wouldn't stop until they unfused.

Steven: "Self defense is great!"

Ruby Fusion (somewhat in pain): "AGH! AGH! STOP! WHY YOU LITTLE-"

Then they unfused.

Steven: "Uh.. UM.. GOTTA BLAST!"

And then he stole their ship and blasted off to Beach City while the Jimmy Neutron Theme Song played.

 _From here to the stars.._

Steven got a good grip on the captain's seat.

 _..with my candy bars rides a kid with a knack for inventions._

Steven started the ship and set the coordinates.

 _A super powered mind.._

He blasted off to Beach City..

..a mechanical canine..

..at, for some reason, hyperspeed.

 _Bark, bark!_

His body went backward.

 _He rescues the day from sure destruction._

His skin fat was flapping.

 _This the theme song.._

He was almost at the surface of the sand..

 _For Jimmy Neutron!_

..then he crashed.

He went out the door, looking around the beach, while seeing a few small red gems in front of him.

Steven (thinking): _'_ _Wait.. SMALL RED GEMS?!'_

He looked back in horror, seeing the incredibly outraged faces of those (idiotic) rubies.

Steven (putting on a pose): "H-Hey guys.. what's up, my.. dudes?"


	3. A Strange Dinner Indeed

Steven kept that stupid pose for a while, with a stupid, dorky looking smile on his slightly chubby face, before finally stopping. The rubies looked pretty outraged. Steven thought of something to cheer them up.

Steven: "So.. what's up.. _Doc_?"

He pointed to that ruby.

Doc: "Shut up. That's not my name!"

Steven: _**"FINE! CALM DOWN! IT'S JUST A JOKE! DON'T TAKE IT SO SERIOUSLY-"**_

Eyeball: " **YOU CALM DOWN,** _ **ROSE**_ **. YOU TRIED TO KILL US!** "

All the rubies began to rant.

Steven: "Guys, stop ranting! Wanna come here for dinner?"

Before the rubies could answer, he took them all inside.

Army: _**"WHAT'S A 'DINNER'?!"**_

Steven: "A human thing."

That's when Jasper, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl warped back to the temple.

Pearl: "...Steven."

Steven: "Yes, Pearl?"

Pearl inhaled.

Pearl (furiously outraged): _**"WHAT ON EARTH ARE THESE THINGS DOING HERE?!"**_

Pearl pointed to the rubies, outraged.

Pearl noticed something, though, they were all staring at a certain orange quartz.

Eyeball: "Is that.."

All rubies (with the exception of Leggy), in unison: _**"JASPER?!"**_

Leggy: "Huh?! Who? What? Where? WHY?!"

Jasper: "Yeah.. I'm right here."

Garnet: "I knew this would happen.."

Garnet sighed. This was just like Kevin's fanclub from SpongeBob. This was just insane. Who knows what they could do with her?!

Amethyst: "Hey, Steven- WOAH~!"

Amethyst proceeded to take out her whip.

Steven: "STOP! THEY ARE, LIKE, HARMLESS!"

Amethyst: "WELL, THEY ARE, LIKE, DUMB!"

She whipped all five of them at once.

Meanwhile, the rubies were _still_ admiring the quartz.

Jasper: "WHEN WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?!"

Eyeball: "NOT UNTIL YOU TELL US HOW YOU LIFT!"

Jasper: "Oh my stars, for the last time, THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"

Navy: "Say, where is that Lapis Lazuli, anyway? And that Peridot?"

Steven: "Um.. I-I'll go get them!"

Steven ran at the speed of sound towards the warp pad, and warped to the barn.

Steven: "Guys! Guys!"

Lapis: "Huh? Oh, hey Steven."

Peridot: "Steven! How are your Earth duties?"

Steven: "Um, great. Hey, the rubies are over for dinner, wanna say hello?"

Lapis: "STEVEN! THOSE GEMS ARE _EVIL!_ YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME WHEN YOU TRIED TO INVITE ONE OF THEM OVER!"

Steven thought of that memory.

Steven: "Well, that's in the past! Please, __say hello?"

Peridot: "Whaddya say, Lapis?"

Lapis: "Ugh! Fine! Don't let them near me, though."

French Narrator: Back to the temple..

Steven, Peridot, and Lapis were all over that dinner night.

Lapis (muttering): "I swear, I will kick those rubies'-"

Peridot: "Hey! What's Pearl doing?"

The trio looked over to see Pearl cooking a delicious dinner meal, which turned out to be.. those Chicken Flakes Steven had this morning.

Amethyst: "Hey, Steven, Pearl's cooking your favorite~!"

Steven: "B-But.. I don't like my Chicken Flakes cooked.."

Pearl: _**" , ! ! "**_

Steven looked shook.

Steven: "O-Okay, then.. say, where did the rubies go?"

Lapis: "I quickly put them in those water bubbles."

Steven looked up.

Steven: "Lapis! You can't just do that to visitors!"

Lapis: "Well, Steven, your 'friends' have done nothing but dumb things ever since they first came!"

Garnet: "This is why not a lot of people like you now, Lapis.."

Lapis: "Oh please, I'm in the top tens!"

Jasper: "AND I'M STILL THE VILLIAN, APPARENTLY?!"

Lapis looked up again at the rubies. There was.. sponges being thrown at them?

Well, my dear friend, it looks like Steven has been doing it to absorb the water bubbles!

Lapis: "STEVEN! I WORKED HARD ON THOSE BUBBLES!" 

Steven: "You took, like, 10 seconds to make these."

Lapis: "Ugh."

Lapis let them go. Jasper felt someone poke her. She looked down to see Leggy.

Leggy: "Hey, Jasper? I have a question."

Jasper (clearly angry): "What. Is. It."

Leggy: "Do bees have knees?"

Jasper: _**"…...AAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHH! THAT'S IT!"**_

She picked up Leggy with one hand, then she ran to the beach about to throw her across the ocean. Steven followed the buff quartz.

Jasper: _**"YOU RUBIES ARE SO**_ _ **WEAK!**_ _ **SO**_ _ **PUNY!**_ _ **SO**_ _ **SMALL AND SHORT!**_ _ **AND WORSE OF ALL.. SO**_ _ **LAME. PERIOD.**_ _ **"**_

Leggy: "I've only been here for 10 minutes, what's going on?!"

Steven: "STOP JASPER! YoU'lL kIlL hEr!1"

Jasper: "I SURVIVED BEING IN THE OCEAN FOR _MONTHS_."

Steven: "I don't care! I think you just hate _yourself_ , so you take it out on others!"

Jasper, already in tears: "O-OH, IT'S TRUE! I'VE PROVEN MYSELF TO BE STRONG FOR A LONG TIME! ONLY TO BE WEAK!"

Jasper sobs hysterically. ( cue Botany Bay (b) )

All the other rubies stopped to stare at her wet, teary face.

Jasper: "IT'S TRUE, I'M A FAILURE!"

Jasper continued to show ugly tears streaming down her face.

Jasper: "YOU SEE THIS?! _**YOU SEE THIS?!**_ THESE ARE THE TEARS OF _FAILURE!_ "

Pearl went over to the beach, as well.

Pearl: "Jasper, please calm down, suck it up, buttercup."

Jasper: "WHAT MAKES _YOU_ THE COUNSLER?!"

Pearl: "OH I ADMIT IT! I'M A BIG CRYBABY, TOO! I MISS ROSE AND HATE MYSELF!"

Pearl started bawling with Jasper.

Steven: "I THINK I CRY A LOT, TOO!"

Then _Steven_ started to bawl with them.

The rubies just stared awkwardly.

Leggy: "Jasper, when are you going to put me down?"

Jasper (in between tears): "ANYTIME SOON, YOU PUNY LITTLE IDIOT!"

Leggy: "Hey! You didn't answer _my_ lifelong question!"

Jasper sniffled.

Jasper: "GO ASK STEVEN!"

Steven (bawling): "YEAH, I'M FREE TO ASK!"

Meanwhile, the rubies just continued to stare.

Pearl (bawling): "OH YEAH, RUBIES, THE DINNERS READY OUT IN THE KITCHEN!"

Army: "But there's lots of smoke! Is that another Earth thing?"

Pearl: "I-I GUESS- WAIT?! _**SMOKE?! OH YE GODS!**_ MY CHICKEN FLAKE ROAST IS RUINED!"

Pearl turned to look at the Krusty Burger.

Pearl: "But what if.. I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Oh, ho, ho. Delightfully devilish, Pearl."

Doc: "We can still hear you, we know your plan!"

Pearl: "YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!"

Amethyst (yelling from across the house): "I TOLD YOU YOU NEEDED A DOCTOR, YOU UNCULTURED SWINE!"

 _ **Doc** tor. _That word went around in Doc's nonexistent brain for a while. They've mentioned her fake name.

 _ **Doc** tor. _What was a "doctor"? Was it a human thing? Was it _important_ for her job? Of course, Doc looked up the word on Google.

 _doc·tor_

 _ˈdäktər/_

 _noun_

 _ **1**_ _._

 _a qualified practitioner of medicine; a physician._

 _Synonyms: MD, physician, clinician, **see more**_

 _Informal: doc, medico, **see** **more**_

 _Doc._

 _ **Doc.**_

 _ **Doc.**_

Is this what Steven had intended? To give her some kind of alternative job? She finally knew what the word "Doc" meant.

She looked up what a doctor does. She looked up how to become one. There was a medical school nearby. Did she _have_ to go? Does Steven know this?

She quickly packed up all her stuff.

Meanwhile, the gems had finished crying their eyes out. Doc walked in.

Amethyst: "Heya, Ruby, what's with the cases?"

Doc: "Medical school."

Steven: "Wait, what?"

Doc: "I said, I'm going to medical school."

Jasper: "B-But.. why? You're a ruby."

Doc: "It's in my name."

Amethyst: "Ugh, don't take it seriously."

Steven: "B-But Doc-"

Doc: " _Dr._ Doc."

Steven: "DON'T JUST LEAVE NOW! YOU CAN BE A DOCTOR HERE!"

Doc: "OKAY! YOU DON'T NEED TO YELL AT ME FOR IT!"

Leggy: "Phew, I thought you leaving me and the others for a second."

Jasper (muttering): "You rubies are such idiots."

Steven (out loud): "OH MY GOD! STOP CALLING RUBIES DUMB!"

Army: "WHO WAS CALLING RUBIES DUMB?"

Jasper: "NO ONE!"

Amethyst: "Hey! Doctor! I think Pearl needs a check-up!"

Pearl: "Amethyst, I swear-"

Doc: "I HEARD THESE HUMAN DOCTORS PERFORM OPERATIONS, AM I NOT CORRECT?"

Steven: "Well-"

Doc: "OKAY, LETS PERFORM THE SURGERY!"

Doc got out a scalpel and proceeded to cut open Pearl's torso.

Steven vomited at the sight.

Navy (about to faint): "Oh stars!"

Jasper: "AGH! YOU ARE JUST SICK!"

Doc: "There's nothing in here."

Amethyst: "GOOD! Just, DON'T, perform anymore operations."

Steven (nervously): "I THINK IT'S TIME FOR BED!"

He quickly went up to his room, laid on his bed, and started to worry about the horrible, strange things that might happen tomorrow.


	4. Steven Visits His Aunts

Steven woke up from his stressed-out slumber. He had dark, dark bags under his eyes, and he felt so incredibly weak. He felt so exhausted from last night. He got up and looked downstairs. There he saw Jasper cooking something.

Jasper was putting in ingredients such as parsley, chicken, and other seasonings. She put the seasonings on the chicken, then put it in the oven for about 99 minutes or so. Steven waited for it to be done.

 _Ding!_

Jasper quickly got out the chicken from the oven… and proceeded to _throw the perfectly good meal outside. On the dirty, filthy sand._ Then she decided to _stomp on it._ She grabbed the now crushed up chicken and headed towards the door of the house.

Steven quickly laid back down. Jasper went upstairs, went towards the bed, and then she threw the disgusting thing onto Steven.

Jasper: "Breakfast is ready."

She then went back downstairs to prepare some coffee and went outside.

Steven got up out of bed, but then he realized; Pearl was _still_ on the table and cut open from last night. Steven looked at the horrible sight from up above. She was just sleeping, somewhat unaffected by the "surgery".

Steven went down some more to take a closer look at Pearl's wound. The insides looked somewhat like a cyan, yet there was nothing in it but some kind of gland. Steven touched the gland.

Pearl's eyes shot open.

Pearl: "STEVEN! WHAT ARE YOU **DOING?!** "

Steven: "Um, well, I was just-"

Pearl: "WAIT! DON'T TELL ME YOU WERE TOUCHING MY CYANIDE GLAND."

Steven: "Uh, is the cyanide gland the thing in your belly?"

Pearl: "Why yes, Steven.."

Steven: "What does it do?"

Pearl: "Well, Steven, it basically produces cyanide when gems eventually wither out and die. I honestly don't know why it's there, but some gems get it removed. Like, for instance, a human appendix! No human wants that old sack of tissue hanging from the bottom of their sensitive, vital bowels. And, unfortunately.."

She leaned into Steven's ear.

Pearl: "..it can make us _addicted_ to cyanide as well. If we ever consume it.. we instantly get addicted. For example, if.. let's say if one of the rubies consumes an.. apple seed, she would get addicted. They get addicted more easily because, Steven, they have a more.. sensitive gland. Don't let an apple seed get near one of the rubies especially. But don't worry about Amethyst."

Steven: "Wow.."

Steven looked outside again, only to see Jasper crying softly. He walked out the door and then to her.

Steven: "What's wrong, Jasper?"

Jasper: "I… just miss my diamond.."

Steven: "Who- Oh, right. Pink Diamond."

Jasper: "If only I could just see her again.."

Steven: "Welp. I have something to say about that."

Jasper: "What.."

Steven leaned in close into Jasper's nonexistent ear.

Steven took a deep, deep breath.

Steven: _**"I**_ _ **AM**_ _ **PINK DIAMOND!"**_

Jasper's eyes constricted and stood up.

Jasper: "No.. this can't be true.. _You.._ Pink Diamond herself?"

Steven: "Well, I have her gem."

Jasper got down on her knees.

Jasper: "NOOOOOOOOO!"

Steven: "Oh yeah, Jasper, do _you_ have a cyanide gland?"

Jasper glared at the boy.

Jasper just simply nodded.

The duo then heard something coming from the television.

 _I am only four, each day I grow some more!_

It was was just Caillou playing on there.

Jasper: "..Is that the kid who gets grounded all the time?"

Steven: "Sure is."

Jasper: "Y'know, he reminds me of my diamond at times."

Steven: "I can tell."

Jasper: "In fact, here's a story _all_ about her.."

" _It all started one day, when I was just a young gem from the beta, guarding the palace as usual, I overheard the diamonds arguing about something;_

 _Pink: 'BUT I WANTED THE **LIGHT** BLUE TOPAZ, NOT THE **BLUE** TOPAZ!'_

 _Yellow: 'WELL THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE GONNA GET, **PINK.** AGH! WHITE, DO SOMETHING- Oh wait, she's gone.. BLUE! DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS **BRAT**!'_

 _Blue: 'Pink, listen to Yellow for once-'_

 _Pink: 'NO! I REFUSE! I HATE ALL OF YOU! COME ON, PEARL! SEE YA LATER, **DUMMIES**!"_

 _and then she took Pearl with her."_

Steven: "Wow.. I had no idea mom was like _that_.."

Jasper: "She sure was.."

Steven: "Well, I'm gonna go see Aunt Yellow and Blue. See you later, Jasper!"

Jasper: "Stay safe!" 

Steven walked over to the barn.

Steven: "Hey Peridot! Is it done yet?"

Peridot: "Almost, Steven, I just need some hair conditioner."

Steven: "Hair conditioner? What do you need _that_ for?"

Peridot hesitated.

Peridot: "For… personal reasons."

Steven: "Hmmm… OK!"

Steven handed her some of the conditioner that happened to be.. in his pocket.

Peridot: "Thank you.."

She then proceeded to squirt it on her hair. She rubbed it on.

Peridot: "Alright, IT IS DONE!" 

They both looked at the newly built green ship. Steven went inside.

Steven: "Woah.. well, see ya, Peridot! Bye Lapis!"

Lapis: "Huh? STEVEN! WAIT! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING-"

She was interrupted by the smoke violently blowing into her face, as they both watched Steven strive into the cosmos.

Lapis: "Well, there he goes.."

Steven, a few hours later, finally got to Homeworld to greet the other diamonds.

Steven: "Hi, Aunt Yellow! Hi, Aunt Blue!"

Yellow and Blue Diamond turned to look at the little boy.

Blue: "Hello, P- I mean, Steven." 

Yellow: "Steven, please don't greet us like _**THAT**_!"

Steven: "Oh, come on! You are _ALWAYS_ the strict one!"

Yellow: "But you don't realize! We, are an AUTHORITY! We should _**NOT**_ be greeted so informally!"

Blue: "Yellow, please, give him some time to think about this!"

Yellow: "Think about _what?!_ Being so informal, like a diamond _**SHOULDN'T**_ be-"

Steven: "H-Hey guys, I brought breakfast!"

He put his hand in his pocket and took out the crushed up moldy chicken from this morning.

Yellow Diamond sniffed the air.

Yellow: "Ugh! What is that _disgusting_ stench!"

Blue: "It appears to be coming from the 'breakfast'."

Steven: "Huh?! Oh, wrong one!"

He threw it out, and took out a single, raw egg.

Blue: "..What is _that_?"

Steven: "It's an egg! Try it!'

Yellow: "..But how are we supposed to _try_ that thing! It's like how Pink tempted us thousands of years ago!"

Steven: "Look, watch!"

He dropped the egg, and it went flying.

Steven: "Whoops!" 

The egg finally landed into Yellow Diamond's mouth, and then down her throat, clogging her neck in the process.

Steven: "Oh my gosh! Yellow's _**CHOKING!**_ "

Blue: "Ah! WHAT DO I DO?!"

Steven had a clever idea!

Steven: "If someone chokes on an egg, state law requires that you assist them! Take both hands, push below the di-a-phragm!"

Blue: "…What?!"

Steven: "Just do that, Blue! Take your hands and push below her diaphragm!"

Blue: "O-OK!"

She proceeded to do so.

Yellow coughed up the yolk and the shells.

Yellow: "Agh… thank you, Blue." 

Blue: "No.. thank Steven. How did you get such a clever idea?"

Steven: "I just listened to the musical stylings of a guy named Harold Smiley!"

Yellow: "Harold- You know what, nevermind. Thank you for your contribution to my well being." 

Blue, close to crying: "Smiley? Oh, I wish _I_ could smile.."

Blue Diamond broke down into tears, making this situation awkward.

Steven: "OH NO! AUNT BLUE, D-DON'T CRY! YOU'LL END UP LIKE ME AND PEARL!"

Blue: *Sniffle" "BUT I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF YEARS!"

Yellow: "See, now what you did, you made your aunt cry!"

Steven, in tears: "I-I don't wanna cry with anyone again!"

Steven let out a huge sob.

Yellow: "Shh! Don't make this any worse for her!"

She "slapped" Steven with her pinky finger.

Steven: "Ow! OK, geez, _**DON'T GET SO ANGRY ABOUT IT!**_ "

Blue had finished her crying, sniffling.

The trio then had overheard a person screaming at someone.

Yellow: "Oh no.."

Steven: "What?"

Blue: "It's Green Diamond.."

Steven could hear the mysterious diamond's booming voice, which sounded like almost.. text-to-speech?

Steven: "Who's Green Diamond?"

Yellow: "He's a new one around here, we had him in charge of the discipline for now until he gets a new colony. He does such a bad job at it."

Steven decided to go in, until he was picked up by Blue.

Blue: "Maybe _I_ should go in with you."

Steven: "Oh, fine.."

They both went into the room, and what Steven saw of Green Diamond was rather peculiar.

He looked just like the father that would ground Caillou in those GoAnimate grounded video things except he had green skin and a green gem in his navel area. He appeared to be grounding the.. zi _rcons_ , who appeared to be.. _crying_ in shame.

Green: "Ooooooooooooooooh! Blue and Yellow Zircon! How dare you accuse the diamonds and act up! That's it! You are grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded grounded for 12573987523000000 years! Go to your rooms now!" 

Yellow: "See what I'm talking about, he just grounds gems sometimes for no reason for an unreasonable amount of years!"

Blue: "He even came to the zoo once to ground me for _crying_!"

Steven was only paying attention to the two zircons. When Green Diamond left, he went over to them.

Steven: "Hey guys, it's me, Steven!"

Blue Zircon: "Huh? I thought your name was _Rose Quartz!_ Why are you even _here_?!"

Steven: "Well, it turns out…."

Steven explained to both of the zircons, who were both shocked.

Yellow Zircon: "I guess it wasn't treason after all!"

Blue Zircon shot a glare at her yellow counterpart.

Steven turned to Blue and Yellow Diamond.

Steven: "Can I sleep over with you guys tonight?"

Yellow: "Hm, _'sleep'_?"

Steven: "I'll teach you guys!"

So that night, Steven had taught his aunts how to sleep for tonight.

Yellow: "So we just lay down..?" 

Steven: "Yeah!" 

Blue: "That sounds interesting..."

Steven: "WOO HOO! DIAMOND SLEEPOVER!"

White (from the other room): "SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!"

Blue: "We better listen to _her_. We should never disrupt _anything_ she does- Steven!" 

Steven had already left for his grandmother's room. It was an amazing place, better than the other diamonds' rooms at all.

White Diamond was sleeping in the most comfortable bed imaginable. He heard a whisper.

Yellow (whispering): "Steven! Get in our room, _now!"_

White (muttering, sleeping): "No… I wanted that planet, mommy…" *snore*

Yellow (whispering): "See? She's _busy!_ "

Steven: "OK, fine.."

A few minutes later, Blue had tucked Steven in.

Blue: "Goodnight, Steven."

She kissed him on the forehead, unfortunately, thought, she happened to be a giant compared to him, so there was just a bit of saliva on him.

Steven: "G-Goodnight, Aunt Blue.."

Steven had drifted off to sleep.

But that was when Pearl crashed through the walls.

Pearl (worried): _**"WHERE'S MY STEVEN?!"**_


	5. Steven's Luck

Steven glanced at the sight before his eyes before responding to the panicked gem.

Steven: "Pearl! It's okay! It's just the diamonds."

Pearl: "Well, not on _my_ watch. You're going home right _now_ , mister!"

Pearl had dragged Steven along the floor.

Steven: "Help! **HELP!** "

Blue and Yellow Diamond came onto the scene.

Blue: "Huh? What's going on-" 

Yellow: " _Pearl!_ "

Pearl: "Oh. Hello, Yellow and Blue! I'm just, uh, taking Steven back home with me!"

Yellow: "And why are you doing _that_?"

Pearl: "B-Because, um, uh..."

Pearl grabbed Steven.

Pearl: " _ **GOTTA BLAST!**_ "

Pearl sprinted away with the helpless gem-human hybrid.

Pearl: "That'll teach them a lesson!"

Steven: "But Pearl! Aunt Blue promised me cookies!"

Pearl: "NEVERMIND THAT! LET'S GO!"

Pearl then proceeded to go into Steven's ship and blasted off.

A few moments later, they crashed into the beach. Garnet and Amethyst rushed through the door.

Garnet: "Pearl! Steven! Are you OK?"

Amethyst: "Steven looks like it, _Pearl_ on the other hand.."

What happened to Pearl you may ask? Well, my wonderful amigo, it seems that Pearl's stitches have torn!

Pearl: "Huh? OH! I can fix that. Wait- Steven? STEVEN?"

Steven raised his arm.

Steven: "I'm right here!"

Garnet picked Steven up from the broken ship.

Steven: "Thanks-"

Garnet: "Don't mention it."

They all went back into the beach house to find Lapis and Peridot on Steven's bed watching a movie.

Lady in the movie: "Johnny, why? WHY DID YOU DO THIS?"

Johnny: "Because, Mary, I had to."

Peridot (tears in eyes): "NO YOU DIDN'T, JOHNNY! YOU DIDN'T NEED TO!"

Peridot sobbed while holding onto Lapis.

Lapis: "Get off of me!"

Steven: "Hey, how come you started _The Lady in the Movie_ without me?"

Lapis: "We couldn't wait any longer.."

Steven: "Can you tell me what happened?"

Lapis: "No, it's too cheesy-"

Peridot (crying): "JOHNNY JUST CANCELED SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS BECAUSE HE AND MARY'S KIDS HATED IT!"

Peridot, at that point, started bawling. Lapis gave Steven a pleading look.

Steven: "Oh man! I missed what people considered the only _good_ part!"

Garnet: "Well, at the end of the movie, Johnny breaks up with Mary to go to the grocery store."

Steven gave Garnet a very, very, furious look.

Steven: "AND THANKS FOR SPOILING IT, _**GARNET, THE GEM WITH THE FUTURE VISION!**_ "

Steven had then stormed off into the bathroom. The room was quiet except for, of course, the drama film that was playing. Amethyst broke the silence.

Amethyst: "So… should we-"

Garnet: "No."

Pearl: "It's a bit unusual of Steven to have these moodswings."

Amethyst: "Yeah, it's so… _out of Steven_ for him."

I can agree as well.

Amethyst: "Uh, does anyone else hear that voice, it's getting kinda creepy."

Garnet: "I believe that's the power of _power_."

Garnet's right, Amethyst. It's just the true power of the "Fourth Wall Effect".

Amethyst: "Woah, that's pretty cool!"

Pearl: "Who are you talking to?" 

Amethyst: "The power of the 'Fourth Wall Effect'."

Amethyst then proceeded to just walk off without any context or explanation whatsoever, leaving the warrior confused.

Lapis: "I'm gonna go check the bathroom."

Lapis walked into the bathroom to see Steven gone, and all that was left of him was a deep, dark hole. Lapis sprinted out, shocked.

Lapis: "STEVEN'S NOT IN THE BATHROOM!"

The room was full of gasps. That's when Greg opened the door.

Greg: "Heya, everybody…-"

Greg was cut off by the amount of shock and silence in the room.

Greg: "Um, is this a bad time?"

Garnet: "No. Come in."

Greg: "So.. what's up?"

Pearl: "Greg, you wouldn't believe what happened to Steven." 

Greg: "Wait, what?"

Peridot: "Steven ran away, not even watching the rest of _The Lady in the Movie_ with us!"

Greg: " _The Lady in the Movie_? Oh, that's a classic! And, _**STEVEN RAN AWAY?!**_ "

Garnet: "Calm down, Greg."

Greg: "But how come _you_ are calm?" 

Garnet: "I'm not, I'm panicking as we speak."

Greg: "...Oh."

Garnet: "Okay, gang, we're organizing a search party, we'll split up. Greg, go with Pearl. I go with me, and Lapis and Peridot, you go together."

Peridot: "No way!"

Lapis: "Yeah. Not with this green thing."

Pearl: "But would you do it for a Peri-Snack?"

Peridot perked up.

Peridot: "Rokay!"

Peridot chugged down all of the snacks.

Lapis: "I could probably use one as well."

Lapis took one off the floor and ate it.

Peridot: "Alright, since I am the leader of the Crystal Gems, I say _lets go_!"

They all walked out of the beach house and into the small town.

Meanwhile, Steven was with Connie, talking about what happened recently.

Steven: "A-And the most traumatizing part about that night was when she cut open Pearl, and then I just ran up to my bed."

Connie: "Oh my gosh, Steven, what kind of kid would even _want_ to engorge in that horrific stuff?!"

Steven: "I mean, it _did_ get a bit better in the morning. Jasper prepared me a breakfast, but it was just a baked chicken covered in sand."

Connie: "Steven, why can't you tell the other gems how you're feeling?"

Steven: "BECAUSE I- Well, I don't actually know.." 

Connie: "Try telling them about how you didn't like it at all. How you don't want to engage in that kind of stuff."

And I, once again, agree with one of these characters in this story.

Steven: "Gee, thanks Connie and Narrator Guy."

Anytime, dear friend.

Connie: "No problem."

Steven then heard Lapis and Peridot calling out to him.

Peridot: "STEVEN! _STEVEN!_ "

Steven: "Coming! Thanks again, guys!"

Lapis then flew over Steven's head while grabbing his arms, allowing Steven to fly with her.

Steven: "Thanks, Lapis."

Lapis: "Anytime."

Peridot: "HEY LAPIS! I CAN'T CATCH UP WITH YOU!

Lapis groaned, picking up Peridot as well. They all flew back to the beach house, where Jasper is just visiting right now, in this time of year, in this specific place.

Lapis: "Hey Jasper, catch!"

Lapis then proceeded to throw Steven and Peridot to Jasper, where Jasper caught Steven, but Peridot was flung into the roof.

Steven: "Jasper!"

He hugged Jasper, while Jasper ruffled his hair.

Jasper: "Hey guys, they found Steven!"

The other gems ran out.

Lapis: "Wait a second- _Hey.._ you said you would be searching too!"

Garnet: "No. I just lied."

Peridot (stuck in the roof): "BACKSTABBING CLOD!"

Blue Zircon then came out of the house.

Steven: "Wait, _Blue Zircon?_ "

Blue Zircon: "Yes, we escaped."

Yellow Zircon popped her head out of the door.

Yellow Zircon: "We just couldn't take the grounding anymore."

Steven: "Oh. Then, welcome to Earth!"

Blue Zircon: "Who knows, they'll might find us _again_."

Yellow Zircon: "Have confidence, Blue, at least we're not getting a punishment day from Green Diamond!"

Pearl: "Wait, _Green Diamond_?" 

Steven: "Yeah, it's the new diamond. He's in charge of discipline."

Garnet: "White seems to have gone far with another diamond."

Blue Zircon: "Excuse me? _Far?_ He's rather more dim, to me!"

Yellow Zircon: "And make that _us_."

Steven: "Hey guys, we gotta talk."

Blue Zircon: "What do you want to talk about-"

Garnet: "He means _us._ "

The fusion pointed to the other Crystal Gems.

Blue Zircon: "...Oh."

Yellow Zircon: "Yeah, _**Blue**_ , she means _them_."

Yellow smirked, while the blue one gave her another glare.

Garnet and Pearl led the child into the beach house. Amethyst came over as well.

Pearl: "So what is it that you want to talk about?"

Steven: "I-I.. want to talk about these past few days."

After Steven explained his traumatic memories, Amethyst had commented.

Amethyst: "Oh… so that explained why you threw that sock at Pearl!"

Steven: "No, I was just hungry… angry… _**hangry**_."

Garnet: "Everyone gets hangry, especially Amethyst."

Amethyst: "Yeah! It's normal for everyone!"

Pearl, on the other hand, was very, very, shocked. Pearl breathed in.

Pearl: " _ **YOU PROTESTED WITH A BUNCH OF CHICKENS?!**_ " 

Steven: "...Shouldn't you expect from that from me, though?"

Pearl: "I- Well… yes.."

Garnet: "Of course."

Pearl: "But.. you literally helped beating up the factory workers."

Steven (tears in his eyes): "BUT THEY WERE BEING TURNED INTO MILKSHAKES!" 

Amethyst: "Wait, you closed down the Chicken Factory?! Aw, man, their shakes were great!" 

Pearl: " _ **Amethyst!**_ "

Amethyst: "Just sayin'! And Steven, you could've gave me your breakfast!"

Steven: "Well, I still have it."

Amethyst: "ALRIGHT! GIMME! GIMME!"

Steven tossed the moldy chicken to Amethyst, who happily ate the disgusting thing while Pearl recoiled in disgust and horror.

Garnet: "And Steven, you know how we all felt about that dinner night. We were feeling the same thing as you were. Even Narrator Guy was disgusted."

Garnet's right. I wasn't very happy when I was describing or looking at it.

Pearl: "Okay, first of all, you're a disembodied voice, you probably can't see, and second of all, _**WOULD YOU STOP INTERACTING WITH US?!**_ "

Okay, fine, young lady.

Steven: "Pearl, did you even feel any pain when she cut you open?"

Pearl: "Slightly. A scalpel probably wasn't enough to hurt me _that_ much."

Steven: "A scalpel isn't enough?! But how?!"

Garnet: "We're gems, Steven. Besides, something that would _actually_ be able to hurt Pearl would maybe be an axe."

Steven: "..Oh, right!"

Jasper: "Nothing would _ever_ hurt me! I'm considered the strongest quartz around. Well, see you guys later."

Jasper walked out of the beach house, not expecting a certain toy brick on the floor. That's right, my fine mates, Jasper, _**the**_ Jasper herself, had just stepped on that thing that we call, a LEGO. And now she's in pain. A lot of pain.

Jasper: " _ **AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!111!1!1!**_ "

Jasper screamed in intense pain. So that means what Steven learned about Jasper today, is that her weakness, is a single LEGO brick.

Amethyst: "Calm down Jasp, there's nothing to worry about-"

Then Amethyst had fallen victim to the LEGO as well.

Steven: "OH NO! THEY'RE _**EVERYWHERE!**_ "

Everyone screamed at the sight of LEGO bricks spawning and materializing from the ground.

Greg: "OUCH! OW! GEEZ, STEVEN, WHAT IS THIS?!" 

Unknown voice: "What this is, is your _**punishment day**_."

They all turned to see Green Diamond, staring down at them, angrily.

Steven: " _ **IT'S GREEN DIAMOND!**_ "

Blue and Yellow Zircon screamed at the sight and held on to each other, sobbing.

Blue Zircon (sobbing): "This, * **sniffle*** is the end a-as we know it.. I WANNA GO HOME!"

Yellow Zircon (sobbing): "It may be, B-Blue.."

They both started bawling. Green Diamond scoffed at the sight.

Green: "It's punishment day for everyone here… HUH?!"

They then saw two ships emerge from the sky. It was Blue and Yellow Diamond!

Green: "Oh great! Here come the _other_ troublemakers!"

Blue: "Leave them alone, Green!"

Yellow: "You are nothing but a disgrace!"

Green: "I don't care! What are you going to do about it?!" 

Yellow: "This!"

Blue and Yellow: " _OH WHITE!_ "

White Diamond emerged from her own ship.

White: "Hello, _Green_."

Green: "White Diamond?! How did you get here?!"

White kept a smile on her face.

White: "I've been hearing reports about you, clover."

Green: "Hey! Not in front of the other diamonds! You will be grounded for that!"

White cleared her throat.

White: "There's a reason why I left Homeworld."

White smirked.

Green: "Why, I'm the invincible one here, unlike _**you**_."

White: "No, _**omae wa mou shindeiru**_."

Green Diamond gasped.

Green: " _ **NANI?!**_ "

He was shattered.

Everyone began to cheer. Everyone was so happy that he was finally gone!

Blue and Yellow Zircon cried out in joy, Blue Diamond cried tears of joy, Yellow Diamond gave an approving smile, and the rest were celebrating.

Steven: "This is so great! Better than those other days! I _finally_ get a break!"

Steven thought to himself happily what would happen next in the happy, beautiful life of Steven Universe.


	6. Problems and Objections

_Steven thought to himself happily what would happen next in the happy, beautiful life of Steven Universe._

 _Happy, beautiful life of Steven Universe._

 _ **Happy, beautiful life.**_

Well, my dear friend, this is not over yet!

Steven: "I think there is absolutely nothing to worry about anymore! Let's watch some TV!"

Steven tuned in to the news channel.

News Reporter Guy: " _Breaking news! Person wrecks havoc in small town of Beach City!"  
_

Steven: "Wait, _what?!_ "

News Reporter Guy: " _Hello, my name is Patrick Starman, and welcome to_ ** _BIG NEWS_** _. We're here today on a person who happens to be impersonating a doctor!_ " 

Steven was startled.

Steven: "Wait, impersonating a doctor? I wonder who that could- … OH NO!"

Everyone except for the diamonds, the zircons, and Greg knew who that was.

Patrick Starman: " _Here are some interviews with some citizens of the city..."  
_

Woman: " _She just kept on diagnosing me with random diseases! She would keep on offering my kids a vaccine!_ **_SHE'S CRAZY!_** _"_

Mr. Smiley: " _She kept posing as my prescribed doctor, and she said that she's the best one! I told her, 'Do you have a license?' and she didn't say anything, and just walked out of my house like it was nothing!_ "

Patrick Starman: " _Luckily, she's sentenced for_ _5 years and fined with $10,000_ _as of yesterday. Now for Vicky on the weather-_ "

Steven turned the TV off.

Steven: "Oh geez, I didn't know she would get _that_ bad."

Garnet: "It's OK, Steven, at least-"

They then heard a few familiar voices. It was the other rubies.

Navy: "Help! Steven!"

Army: "Steven, this is your fault!"

Leggy: "She's **_gone_**!" 

The rubies started chattering at Steven.

Eyeball: "To avenge Ruby, we shall FUSE!"

All of the rubies got into their trademark positions for the fusion tower. The rubies just looked at each other for a second.

Navy: "… It's just not the same without her..."

Army: "You better fix this!" 

Steven: "OK! I will! We just gotta think of a plan! This isn't the end." 

Leggy was building some coffins, on the other hand.

Leggy: "It's not?" 

Steven: "Yeah, if we set aside our differences,"

The rubies just stared before realizing he was singing.

Steven: "We could, uh..."

The music stopped.

Steven: "Uh, does anyone know anything that rhymes with 'differences'?"

Leggy: "Uh, I don't know?"

Steven: "Agh, nevermind..."

Blue Zircon: "Wait, why don't we have a court session? It _could_ help. I don't guarantee it, though."

Eyeball: "Oh, what do _you_ know? You're just a zircon!"

Yellow Zircon: "Don't be all pessimistic about it! We can help you _all_." 

Blue Zircon: "No, I just meant for-"

Yellow Zircon pointed to Greg.

Yellow Zircon: "YOU! Are you in debt?"

Greg: "Um, not that I know of-"

Steven: "Guys, guys! Let's just do something about this already."

Peridot: "Why would we even _bother_ to help that clod? All she did was wreck havoc!"

Lapis: "It's strange that she didn't even cause a stir in all the times we've met her, unlike a certain somebody.." 

She turned her direction to the belly gem ruby.

Navy (smug): Hey! At least I didn't attempt to leave my friends _twice_."

Lapis stared and snarled at her.

Lapis: "Why you little-"

Guys, Steven is right! We have to do something! Not just fool around.

Army: " _ **AH! WHO ARE**_ _ **YOU**_ _ **SUPPOSED TO BE?!**_ " 

The rubies started chattering again.

 _Ahem._ ENOUGH!

The group of red gems stopped.

Steven: "Come on already!"

Garnet: "I see two possible visions of what the trial will be like."

Army: "Can you tell us?"

Garnet: "Hm. _Hm_.. No."

Army: "OH COME ON! THAT'S NOT FAIR! THIS IS OUR GROUP LEADER WE'RE TALKIN' ABOUT!" 

Garnet: "I don't want to spoil much for you."

Army: "Oh come on!" 

The ruby attempted to argue more with the fusion as they all went over to the local courthouse. Blue Zircon came over.

Blue Zircon: "We're here for a special case."

 _A few minutes later.._

They were all in the court room, waiting for the judge and the jury to come. The diamonds were struggling to fit in a bit.

Yellow: "Agh! I can only shapeshift more until turning into my own gem!"

Blue: "The seating is just ridiculous!"

A few minutes later, the judge came in, crying, watching something on a phone.

Judge (sobbing): "Oh, geez, this part just gets me every time! REMEMBER HIM, COCO, JUST REMEMBER-"

Then the judge realized he was in court. He quickly wiped his tears and got up. He put a stereotypical judge wig on, then the jury came in.

Judge: "Alright, court is now in session. Just bring 'er here!" 

Two security guards came in, on each side of the struggling ruby, Doc.

Doc (struggling): "Let me go, already!"

Security Guard #1: "Get in a seat, _kid_."

Leggy (happily): "Oh, look, there's Ruby! HI RUBY-" 

One of the security guards shut the ruby's mouth and pointed to the judge.

Leggy (muffled): "Oh, sorry."

Judge: "Can we begin, yet?"

Blue Zircon: "Yes you may, your honor."

Judge: "'Kay, so..."

He looked at Doc.

Judge: "You're the suspect, right?"

Doc (suspiciously): "I- Wait, _suspect_? I thought this was supposed to be for someone else! You tricked me!"

Security Guard #2: "Y'know, I just thought it would slide!"

Judge: "By _lying_?"

Security Guard #2: "Yes."

Judge: "Oh. I see."

The judge turned his attention to Doc.

Judge: "And, as for you, I heard that, uh, you did some pretty bad stuff, yes?"

Doc: "I was only trying to-!"

Judge: "Shh, be quiet, I need to call in some witnesses. Hey, short kid!"

He pointed to Steven himself.

Judge: "Come up here, you _did_ witness it, no?"

Steven: "Yes, I did. She cut Pearl's torso open, who happens to be here today."

Pearl: "Yes, your honor."

Steven: " _But_ \- Well, actually, what she did was pretty bad so-" 

Judge: "I've heard enough, hey, when's recess gonna start?"

Blue Zircon: "Not until he's done, your honor."

Judge: "Oh, yeah, right… Um, is someone gonna object?"

Blue Zircon sighed.

Blue Zircon: " _Objection!_ OK, are you happy?"

Judge: "Why yes, thank you. RECESS!"

Blue Zircon: "This case is just ridiculous, Steven, just ridiculous!"

Steven: "Then why didn't you actually defend her?"

Blue Zircon: "I don't know, but like the other rubies said, I think _**you're**_ the one to blame here."

Steven winced.

Steven: "Yeah… I think you're right. I need to fix this! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!1!11!"

He then proceeded to crash into the courthouse wall.

Judge: "Aw, man. Recess is over already? I just started playing Fortnite!"

Steven: "NO TIME FOR THAT! WE NEED TO CONTINUE!" 

Judge: "..OK. EVERYONE GET BACK HERE!" 

And so everyone came back into the courtroom.

Steven: "I have something to say. Doc, come over here." 

The ruby came over as expected.

Steven: "I need to tell you the truth!"

Doc: "But this _**IS**_ the truth, Steven! You gave me my destined role! I know this is who I should be now-!"

Steven: "Disney."

Doc winced.

Doc: "...What?"

Steven: "I named you after a character in a Disney movie, not after a doctor, OK?" 

Judge: "OH YEAH, BRING ON THE ANGST-! Wait, did you just- No, nonononononononono, wait, no wait, wait, wait, wait, wait- Aha! Wait- no, wait, wait, YES! You just said _Disney_ , right?"

Steven: "Yes, I-"

Judge: "Doc? Why does that sound so familiar, what's the connection between 'Doc' and 'Disney'. Mickey Mouse- wait, AHA! Snow White, yes?"

Steven: "Um, yes?"

Judge: "Oh, I loved that movie! Agh, OH GEEZ THE NOSTALGIA! AH!"

The judge started crying tears of nostalgia.

Amethyst: "Should we-"

Security Guard #1 (whispering): "SHH! He's going on a nostalgia trip!"

And after a long 10 minutes, the judge finally got himself together and wiped his tears. He turned his head toward Doc.

Judge: "Ah, yes. So what this means for _you_ ; You are _**NOT**_ destined to be a _doctor_ , you are destined to be a _leader_ , yes!"

Blue Zircon: "So, what does this mean for her?" 

Judge: "What? OH! Take her out of prison, I can't stand a kid like _her_ to be in there."

One of the guys from the jury stood up.

Guy: "Hey! We never got a say in this-"

Judge: "CASE DISMISSED!"

He slammed down the hammer.

The rubies cheered.

Army: "YES! WOO! WE FINALLY GOT HER- Wait, Garnet, what was the _other_ possibility?"

Garnet: "Hm, she simply lost."

Army: "...Oh."

Steven: "So everything's back to normal, right?"

Pearl: "I'm not quite sure.." 

Steven: "Oh, wait! I forgot something!"

He ran towards Doc.

Steven: "Doc! I am so sorry about what happened! Please forgive me, I-"

Doc: " _Sorry_? _I'm_ the one who should be sorry! I misunderstood about the name, I realize now that it means much more! Thank you!"

Steven: "Oh, um, you're welcome.. alright, three cheers for Doc! Hip, hip!

 _Hooray!_

 _Hip, hip!  
_

 _Hooray!_

 _Hip, hip!_

 _Hooray!  
_

Peridot: "And three cheers for the _true_ leader of the Crystal Gems, the great and lovable Peridot! Hip, hip!"

Judge: " _Boo!_ "

Peridot: "Did I ask you- Ugh, nevermind!"

Yellow: "Alright, now that we got this _all_ out of hand, are your problems solved, Steven?"

Steven: "I don't know! This is my life!"

He started laughing, but then started crying.

Pearl: "Oh no.."

Pearl sniffled and started crying.

Jasper: "Oh no! Not again!"

Blue: "You all make me want to cry as well!" 

Blue Diamond then started crying as well.

Lapis (angrily): "IF YOU THREE DON'T STOP, I WILL SUCK ALL OF THE TEARS OUT OF YOUR TEAR DUCTS, THEN TEAR OUT YOUR- ...Uh, brain stem.."

Peridot: "THAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!"

Lapis: "There are _children_ present."

Doc: "SHUT UP! WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF CELEBRATING!"

All of them feel silent.

Greg: "So, shtuball, what do we do now?" 

Steven: "I don't know, but there may be more to come!"

Steven and Greg walked happily onto the boardwalk , having a wonderful father-son moment together.

And stay tuned for more cool adventures!


End file.
